Episode 2

full
Published on:

29th Nov 2021

Chartreuse's Epic Rap Battle - EP#2 - Chicken Vindaloo

Chartreuse's Epic Rap Battle is a serialized, comedy, audio drama. Listen to the stories of four ladies who started a rap battle in a Manitoba correctional facility during the 90s. In this episode Chartreuse and Mabel cook up a spread while Miss Minj and Cuddles discuss the finer points of growing habanero chilis.

For more information check out our website at deepdrag.com

A full list of music and sample credits can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/57901336

Transcript
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[Narrator] In 1998 a radio producer was allowed to record in a Manitoba correctional facility.

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These are the stories of the women inside.

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[Song Lyrics] Come on now!

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That's right!

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When I say hard you say time.

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Hard!

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[Chorus] Time!

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When I say rap you say battle.

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Rap!

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[Chorus] Battle!

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That's right suckers!

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Chartreuse's Epic Rap Battle!

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[Cuddles] Hey you all, your favorite girl is here.

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Come on over and get your water coolers.

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[Chartreuse] Ice ice baby.

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[Chartreuse] So so cold.

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[Cuddles] Now, let's see.

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This one is for the gun tower.

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I've got extra ice in here.

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Don't want that guy getting hot and shooting anyone.

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And this one's for Cherokee.

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I put half ice and half water just like you like it.

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[Chartreuse] Ooh damn Cuddles!

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You sure do know Cherokee.

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Cherokee loves sipping her some ice water all day long.

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[Cuddles] I've got two for the day room.

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You ladies want to take these and set them on the table over there?

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[Chartreuse] Oh yes ma'am, you know it gets hot in the day room.

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We need lots of water.

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[Chartreuse] All right, Cherokee's up in the office pouring a tall glass.

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Where's my order?

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[Cuddles] There you go yogurt curry and four pounds of chicken.

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[Chartreuse] Oh vindaloo curry!

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This takes me back.

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Girl, you coming to the spread today?

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We laying it out at one o'clock in the yard.

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[Cuddles] Can I bring Miss Minj?

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[Chartreuse] Shit yeah girl.

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Ain't no bad blood between us.

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We just doing, uh how you say, a friendly wager.

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[Cuddles] Oh I almost forgot.

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I got some habanero chilies.

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[Chartreuse] Oh damn girl!

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You done outdid yourself.

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[Cuddles] Don't put those on the spread.

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They're really hot.

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[Chartreuse] That's the truth.

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Most folks can't handle no spice.

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But Chartreuse likey likey.

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[Chartreuse] Mabel you up?

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I got the supplies girl.

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Come on Mabel, you said you needed work.

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You gonna cater this spread or what?

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[Mabel] Is that today?

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[Chartreuse] Girl, here's everything that you need to cook the chicken vindaloo.

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Now make sure that shit's ready before one o'clock yard.

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[Mabel] Yeah yeah, okay man.

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[Chartreuse] What's up with you girl?

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Oh my lord, you high as hell.

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What the hell was you thinking?

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We got this spread and the goddamn rap battles tonight.

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[Mabel] I just woke up feeling...

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You know how it is in here sometimes.

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[Chartreuse] Well, can you cook?

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[Mabel] You know next week gonna be my 10th anniversary in here.

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Ten years!

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[Chartreuse] Can you cook the chicken vindaloo or what?

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[Mabel] It's a spread.

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Ain't nothing to it.

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[Gun Tower] Resume program.

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[Miss Minj] How did I end up in the clink?

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Right, you just come out and ask don't you.

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Just like an American.

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No discretion, no savoir faire.

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Yeah, straight to the point eh.

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Americans always like to bully their way through conversations, don't they.

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[Cuddles] I'm American.

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[Miss Minj] Well then you tell the man how I ended up here.

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[Cuddles] Well about five years ago...

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[Miss Minj] See, that's what I mean.

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Here I am about to answer the question and Cuddles cuts right in.

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[Cuddles] Should I answer or...

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[Miss Minj] No Cuddles.

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No you shouldn't answer, okay.

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You shouldn't bully the conversation.

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[Miss Minj] Um right, so like about seven years ago I used to have like an exotic pet

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shop, you know.

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I always loved like animals and like rare animals so I thought like maybe I could just

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open up like a pet shop, and you know, sell them, and make a bit of money.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

like dwarf puffers, and zebra plecos, and black

know, I had all kinds of fish:

ghost knife fish, like all the different kinds of fish.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

It was like amazing.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So like one day this bloke comes in and he's like, 'Hey you know, I'm Alice Cooper's manager,

know, I had all kinds of fish:

and you know Alice is playing tonight, and he wants like an exotic animal.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And I'm like what?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Like first of all like what's Alice Cooper doing playing Sheffield, right?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I didn't even know that like somebody as famous as him would come and play Sheffield, you know.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Think like London Town or like Man City, but you don't think fucking Sheffield.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

But like whatever.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So I look around the store and I'm like, well I'm a little low on stock and I'd like to

know, I had all kinds of fish:

move some of these tropical fish I got.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So I'm like what about like a giant aquarium full of like zebra fish, right?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And he's like, 'No no.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

He's looking around and he's like, 'What about him?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

What about that guy?'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Then I'm like, 'Who Frank?'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And he's like, 'Yeah, how much?'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And I say, 'Well, I guess I could part with him for like 200 quid.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And he goes, 'Done.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Narrator] What was in the cage?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Miss Minj] See, here we go again.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I'm trying to like build suspense or whatever and you just jump right into it.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

All right, fine.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You want to know what was in the cage?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Me pet boa constrictor, Frank.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So long story short I sold Alice Cooper his first snake, okay.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You happy now?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

But anyways so going on with the story.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Like the next morning his manager comes back and he's like Alice loved the snake.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

The crowd went wild for it.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And uh I was thinking you know um if you wanted to... the tour is headed to Canada and we

know, I had all kinds of fish:

need somebody to bring the snake.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Miss Minj] And I'm like, 'What?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

No no I can't be bothered.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I'm not gonna bring the fucking snake to Canada.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

But then he counts out 2 000 quid right there on the counter.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And he's like, 'This should cover transportation or whatever.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And I'll give you another grand when you deliver.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I'm like, '3 000 quid to jump the pond with a snake.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Uh yeah, I'll take that job.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So I start looking into like private planes, but they wanted like a shitload of money.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So I'm thinking like, 'Well I could probably save a bit of money if I flew commercial.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So that night I put Frank in my duffel bag and I just boarded the plane.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Because back then they didn't have like the same regulations that they do now, right.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So, no one pulled me aside to check my bag.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I just walked straight onto the plane.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

It worked so well that they actually had me fly with Frank like six more times.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

But then finally one day, I'm waiting for a flight from Vancouver to Los Angeles and

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I guess some nosy bitch saw that me bag was like wiggling or whatever.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And she's like, 'Hey look at her.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You know she's got something in that bag.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So security comes around, and they're like, 'Hey what's in the bag, you.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And I'm like, 'Oh you know nothing or whatever.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

But then I see they're gonna open the bag.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And I'm like, 'Wait wait wait!

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You know, you can't just open a bag with a boa constrictor in it.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Like frank needs him a lullaby sung in order to get like relaxed like, you know.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

It's a big snake.'

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So I don't want to go into the details, but needless to say one of them security birds

know, I had all kinds of fish:

ended up in a hospital or whatever, and I ended up in here.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

But you know like for me, honestly like, the worst part of the whole thing was that Frank

know, I had all kinds of fish:

didn't get to make his debut in Los √Āngeles.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Narrator] Excuse me, where?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Miss Minj] I mean that's how the Mexicans say it.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I mean it's like a Mexican word, right?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So that's not like weird to say it like that.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Gun Tower] In line!

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] So you want to know what a spread is?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Well typically, what you do is you take like six packs of ramen.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And then you throw in, you know like, some mayonnaise and some crushed up Fritos.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I mean some people throw in some cans of tuna, but today we got a special treat because Mabel

know, I had all kinds of fish:

put in that chicken vindaloos.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Mm-hmm.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Mabel] Where you want this spread, girl?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] Put that shit on the table in the shade.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] So like I was saying the secret to the spread is is that you got to eat it

know, I had all kinds of fish:

while it's hot.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You know, cause once them noodles get cold ain't nobody gonna fuck with that shit.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You know what I'm saying?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

So that's why we got ours in a black trash bag.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Mabel] You want me to open it up?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] Yeah girl.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Let's get this spread moving.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] Yeah, that shit looks yummy.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Hey y'all, we got a spread going on over here.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Come get yourself some chicken vindaloos.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Here you go.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Here's a plate for you.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And here's a spoon for you.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Here's one for you, girl.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Hey come get in on this spread.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

All y'all is welcome to it.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

And uh don't forget that the rap battle is tonight and you know Chartreuse is gonna be

know, I had all kinds of fish:

dropping some bars and spitting some fire.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Narrator] Is this a way for you to get people to vote for you at the rap battle?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] Oh hell no!

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I know you ain't trying to play that mess.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You got Chartreuse all wrong, you understand.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I'm out here trying to do something for these nice women's.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

You know, give a little bit back.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Some of these ladies are so broke they can't even afford tooth powder.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Miss Minj] Welly, welly, well, what have we got here?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Looks like good old Chartreuse is throwing a spread.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] Yeah grab a spoon.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Mabel went all out cooking up this vindaloos.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Miss Minj] Oh yeah?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

I always like a good curry.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Got any heat in there?

know, I had all kinds of fish:

Best curries always make me eyes water.

know, I had all kinds of fish:

[Chartreuse] Oh child, you know I got that fire.

Check these babies out:

habanero chilies.

Check these babies out:

[Miss Minj] You think those got heat, do ya?

Check these babies out:

I could munch those all day.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Well for some people these is hot, but uh Chartreuse like to eat them like candy.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Umm, hmm, yeah that's a good chili.

Check these babies out:

Not real spicy as a matter of fact, but uh yeah it's got a nice flavor.

Check these babies out:

Um yeah yeah, these chilies take me back.

Check these babies out:

This reminds me of when I was a baby.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Okay yeah, that's got a little heat to it.

Check these babies out:

Mm-hmm okay, that one creeps up on you.

Check these babies out:

That's that creeper chili.

Check these babies out:

Hey Mabel, you got some water that you can lend me for a minute or a piece of bread I can hold?

Check these babies out:

[Mabel] Sorry girl, I didn't bring nothing like that out.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Oh shit girl, my tongue is going numb right now.

Check these babies out:

I think I gotta go to the dookie room.

Check these babies out:

[Mabel] Chartreuse, you're gonna have to go on the yard.

Check these babies out:

Building's locked up till two o'clock.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] The yard? Hell no.

Check these babies out:

I ain't dropping my drawers in front of everybody and the gun tower.

Check these babies out:

[Miss Minj] There's a loo up in educations.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] I can't tell which end it gonna come out: my doo doo hole or my mouth.

Check these babies out:

[Cuddles] I use the bathroom in education all the time.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Well shit, I ain't never finished school so I might as well check it out.

Check these babies out:

I'm about to doo doo in my pants.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] All right, let's see.

Check these babies out:

That's an office.

Check these babies out:

That's a classroom.

Check these babies out:

Where this goddamn dookie room at?

Check these babies out:

Oh lord!

Check these babies out:

Oh thank God!

Check these babies out:

Oh shit, that's fire!

Check these babies out:

That's fire out my doo-doo hole.

Check these babies out:

God damn, I'm gonna have to put some water on this motherfucker.

Check these babies out:

It burn like hell. That shit like Satan's breath like Satan's tongue up in my doo-doo hole.

Check these babies out:

Oh lord Satan that burn that burn my doo-doo hole.

Check these babies out:

Oh God damn, that was a close one.

Check these babies out:

Them ain't no motherfuckin joke ,I tell you what.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] All right.

Check these babies out:

Keep your wig on.

Check these babies out:

I'm just finishing up.

Check these babies out:

[Correctional Officer #1] This is a correctional officer bathroom.

Check these babies out:

Open up immediately.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Oh shit, this is a cop bathroom?

Check these babies out:

Damn Chartreuse, you done did it now.

Check these babies out:

Uh uh just a second officer.

Check these babies out:

[Correctional Officer #1] Get down on the floor and put your hands behind your head.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Hey hold up officer.

Check these babies out:

There seems to be a confusion.

Check these babies out:

I never would have come up into your house and use your doo doo room on purpose, you feel me?

Check these babies out:

[Correctional Officer #1] Search her for weapons.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] What?

Check these babies out:

Weapons?

Check these babies out:

What you talking about?

Check these babies out:

All I got is a little dookie paper on my shoe.

Check these babies out:

Oh shit, yeah! Damn, you thorough as hell.

Check these babies out:

You get up on all them nooks and crannies, don't you.

Check these babies out:

Oh shit child that tickles. Damn you giving Chartreuse fits right now.

Check these babies out:

[Correctional Officer #1] Cuff her.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Oh no no no.

Check these babies out:

I just got lost ain't no need for handcuffs.

Check these babies out:

Hey, hey, where you taking me, man?

Check these babies out:

Come on.

Check these babies out:

I need to go back to the yard.

Check these babies out:

[Correctional Officer #1] Please follow the white line.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] No no, hold up a minute.

Check these babies out:

This is all just a big old misunderstanding, you feel me?

Check these babies out:

[Correctional Officer #1] You can tell me all about it when we get to the security unit.

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] You taking me to the SHU for using your toilet?

Check these babies out:

Come on man, you know that ain't right.

Check these babies out:

[Miss Minj] What's this?

Check these babies out:

Chartreuse is on the way to the hole?

Check these babies out:

Chartreuse love, did you wander into the wrong loo?

Check these babies out:

[Chartreuse] Oh hell no.

Check these babies out:

That dirty, ass, snake in the grass.

Check these babies out:

Miss Minj, you done done it this time.

Check these babies out:

She done you dirty Chartreuse.

Check these babies out:

She done you dirty as hell.

Check these babies out:

[Cuddles] Is there any more chicken vindaloo?

Show artwork for Chartreuse's Epic Rap Battle

About the Podcast

Chartreuse's Epic Rap Battle
A Serialized Audio Drama
In the 90s four ladies started a rap battle in a Manitoba correctional facility. This is the story of Miss Minj, Chop Suzzy, Cuddles, and Chartreuse.

Chartreuse's Epic Rap Battle is a serialized comedy, audio drama. Listen for free on your favorite podcast platform such as Spotify, Apple Podcast, Sticher, and Amazon Music.

About your host

Profile picture for Deep Drag

Deep Drag

Deep Drag is a group of actors, writers, sound designers, artists, and film makers. We create content intended to promote conscious discussion and share stories that connect us and restores community.

Contact Us: deepdragdrama@gmail.com
Press Kit Download: https://shorturl.at/irAQW

Back in 2015 my friend Alzenira Quezada and I began telling each other stories about our lives. I started wondering what it would have been like if we had known each other twenty years ago. Over the next nine months, I took our stories and typed them out as a six hour script. From 2016 to 2020 we recorded the series, Flies in the Jar.

We enjoyed making Flies so much that we created two more audio dramas: Squad Car 22 and Chartreuse's Epic Rap Battle.

Deep Drag Audio Dramas is what happens when two friends stop telling bar stories and start creating art together.